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how do you title "Pathetic" any better than that?
i know.

i get it. you don't see me.
i'd say "that's ok" but, in reality... it rips me up a little.
i keep making myself WAY too available and
getting shot down 1 step forward and several back just... sucks.
i've seen you in my mind for i don't know how many years just, hanging out in the corners... thought process from several moments in the summer sun of wishful thinking, lurking.
i hate it.
your eyes have burned holes in my memory.
and they'll never be filled...
sound pathetic? oh... BELIEVE ME... i am SO aware. and i am SO over it.
over you?
best part is... we don't even know each other that well. you've been my unicorn for so long and it just makes sense that you'll always be just that:
beautiful and COMPLETELY unattainable.
something i can see but can't touch
someone i can want but will never be with
someone i can think about but have to understand it will never work out.
we all want what we can't have
and the moments i got weren't even always awesome, but when we did click, when i actually let down my guard and so did you (mind you they really were just moments) yea, those, those were awesome.
i know.

i get it... you don't see me. and even if i tagged you in this (which, even though, while i'm forward and bold as fuck, i still don't have the guts)...
you probably never will,
and i don't think that's ever NOT going to hurt.
i guess the whole point of this note, which proba
bly belongs locked away in my journal somewhere... the whole point was to get out there that
i'm trying, you don't care (at least, not the way i do) and acceptance is attainable
it just sucks.
so does denial, which i fight every time i dream of your eyes. which also sucks, because they're one of the most beautiful things about your physique... and then
yup now... now i'm thinking about you. how your chuckle is a-fucking-dorable and i would do a lot to get it out of you, that arguing with you is pointless but oh-so-fun, you make me smile in the dark and you know, you think i'm silly but it's ok, no, excellent... oh...
i rule at this game... someone told me i'm a masochist, and, they're right... i'm just not your typical pain seeker... i guess emotional pain and heartache is a form of self mutilation... taunt your psyche with what you can never attain... awesome
not a new epiphany but... feels good to say out loud i guess.

i hate that i want to fall for you.
huzzah for little-girl crushes that never fade... even when you try to pencil them onto construction paper hearts, just in case your real one beats too fast when he's near. eraser marks were never good at getting you off mine.
ooo that was poetic
like that one character from the movie you hate so much.

i love all the hints i've dropped and how only ONE person will know who you are... because i know you won't read this.

good night. see you later
because i'm not brave enough, to say
good bye.


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